9-6-15
The briskness of morning
Is what startles the sleepiness from your bones
And washes over your lungs
Like glacier waters down your spine
Shocking, numbing and resensitizing
I’m awake. My stream of consciousness has begun
It’s leaving the warmth of your sleeping bag
To throw yourself naked into an icy lake
It is the serious fear that grips you at the cliff’s edge
The adrenaline that floods your mind when you smell danger
And it is this startling that I long for
Make me wrong, make me worried and sick and scared
But let me feel it with my everything
Let me take in the emotions in panasonic sterovision
In living technicolor
No more of these half-hearted grey-colored emotions
Sometimes my life feels like the first four minutes of the Wizard of Oz
Until that song hits my heart
Until I read through my journals
Until I go for a run and remember the days when I was disciplined
When I was thinking. Living
Baggy bloodshot eyes with sallow cheeks and pallid skin
The laziness that comes with pizza greases and sleepy Saturday mornings
Don’t you remember when you used to wake up at four
Just so you could get to 11,000 feet by nine o’clock?
You pack the car the night before. Excitement fills your empty room
Nothing must be forgotten, many things will
3:30 tomorrow brings adventure.
Pushups and bike rides and tearing down the mountain on my snowboard without a helmet
Poems and songs and good books that make my soul come alive
That bitter sweet longing for the One who died for me
These are a few of the things my heart longs for
When it’s awake
Other days I slowly forget
I byte by byte write over the image of True Life
And corrupt my vision with lies and half-truths
Sweet moments of clarity
How I long for my life to be lived out of those moments
Where the doctor drops the lens
And I compare A to B
B to C
Life to laziness
The unknown to the secure
Boldness to retreat
Creativity to the sad mundane habits and routines that choke the life out of me
That leave me heaving with dust in my lungs and a strange throbbing in my head
Completely distracting me from my life’s purpose?
How do we keep falling into these days?
Or even more dazing, what pulls us out of it?
Who is it that without fail steals into the castle we are sleeping in and plants that kiss of life on our enchanted lips?
Who appears out of nowhere to give us the Heimlich as we choke again and again on chicken bones (oh how foolish we are) before disappearing unthanked into the crowd.
Who is it that fixes the notes in our songs, retunes the strings of our lives, and turns splattered nothingness into beautiful paintings?
Who tracks us down in our comatose state
Who finds us deep in the matrix and unplugs our bloody frames
Waking us gasping and startled back into the reality of love?
He is the Unstoppable Lover
The Hound of Heaven
The Jealous bridegroom
Coming like a pestering nurse to wake us up by checking our vitals every two hours
Thank you Spirit, for not leaving me asleep
Sometimes I’m out so cold I drool all over my pillow
But in my dreams I can tell I’m not really flying
And that there is something better if I wake up
In my half dreaming state between death and life
You are the alarm on my iPhone
Spirit may I never snooze your loving beeps
depthofpoetry 